Flailing blindly at windmills, by freakychild, literature
Literature
Flailing blindly at windmills,
Flailing blindly at windmills, flayed by the waving giants
Diving headlong and heartstrong into the obsidian abyss
failing to remember the lessons of the past
feigning a knowledge of what's sure to come
frightened of the present and it's current
waking at nearly 30 and realizing that I have failed myself
not that I have taken the wrong paths
nor that I have grasped the wrong straws
all my choices have been true
all my steps have been sound
I failed the child of my past
in this, there are no second chances
no do-overs, no mulligans
only choices
choices to be made
to be regretted
to be stalwart
to be questioned
and changes
changes
and i
When I was 3
I thought the world was everything that I could ever want it to be
I spoke with a certainty that was beyond the understanding of those around me
I lived with a voracity that knew no bounds because I had not yet be told the world doesn't want me free
My bedclothes became superhero capes allowing me to fly off and save the day
My dinosaur toys were my friends and we had daily conversations on the inner workings of everything
My greatest pleasure was a bowl of ice cream and license to go fucking insane
But, I gotta be honest, I don't remember me when I was 3.
My mother, like 6.5 billion other mothers, was the best mother around and
I remember a magical place,
somewhere deep within where i lived once
a place of great hope,
a place where things malicious could never reach me.
i remember a wonderful space
somewhere that i could escape to,
a space of love and warmth
a space where i could let my mind roam, and never worry where it's gone.
i remember a glorious location
somewhere which welcomed me into the fold
a location that forbade negativity
a location that could be found, simply by closing my eyes.
i remember that clearly
it's an ever changing memory
leaving me in it's wake, feeling worse for wear
passing me by, not stopping to let me savor the seconds
she's falling away...
failing her traits...
and finding a path...
that leads astray...
i'm taking her hand...
and leading her there...
destroying her fears...
holding her dear...
and i'm perfectly sound...
and degradingly full...
while i'm taking her hand...
and raping her land...
thinking is not easy...
with a drill inside the brain...
your numbers and words are killing you...
i must set you free...
free me...
and tear me...
torture me...
shoot me...
greet me...
fuck me...
destroy me...
hearts are cold and lonely
and long for a loving embrace
one that nothing can replace
a heart beats inside my chest
that wants nothing more
than the love never ending
sending me it's warmth
but somehow i've fucked that up
should i never know
that love has past me by
and left me cold and dry
i dont care about this flesh
i dont give a damn about it all
all i want from this life
is someone to catch me
when i fall
i could care less about this world
and all the things that it forms
cause it all pales when i look at her
and know that i can never have
being at this distance
when she's standing right here beside
but i guess it
did you cut the umbilical?
hands smeared, caked with blood
dried and died
did you kill yourself yet?
using the knife to snip
while you sip your cocktail
you've got alcohol in your veins
your arteries are hard and callus
how dare you live to love...
i'll show you how to make the human flesh
into a tasty treat
and how to make your fears
leave you, and leave you empty
for years and years...
i thought you were here
i thought that you cared
when i loved with my heart
and gave you my all
i wanted it all
everything you could give
when i gave you nothing
you gave it whole
deep inside,
and away from this pain
i thought that i was free
that'll never be
i dont know...
what i'm thinking
and what i'm doing
cause you
seem to be
every where
and you
seem to know
you seem to care
when i fall
and when i fail
you were always there
to give me hope
i
need
you
everyday
these feelings they're all here
inside this hollow soul
grows all alone
my monsters of hate
you make it all go away
you make me whole
leaving, i
are you looking through a fog...
something that allows you not to see...
open up the morning paper...
war and pain is what you see...
flip on over to the sports...
who's playing today...
now are you blind...
or do you just not care at all...
walking down the street again...
he's asking for a dollar bill...
walk on and give not to this man...
you don't know why, you don't even care...
now do you have no heart...
or do you just not care at all...
driving down the road once more...
you see that man with hands outstreched...
drive on and give not of yourself...
how much longer would it take...
to this man, you might seal his f
i wonder so many days
do i have the energy left
to take my next breath
to start again fresh...
and i ponder day after day
what there is in store
what's this for
is there more...
i've not had a moment clear
to decide on these things now
my mind is all muddled
it's full of thoughts flowing
and racing through all showing
wondering when i am going
and finding why i'm slowing
and i've wondered so many days
do i have the energy left
to hate
to love
to die
to live....
there's no more humanity in me
it's all fallen away
nothing left worth your stay
no emotions left to sway
but if i had it all to do again
which i dont
and i